Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
