I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
