I'm lost and stupid without you.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
