I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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