I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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