Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
