Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
