Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
