Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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