Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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