Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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