GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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