I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
