Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We got so high we made milksteak
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
