someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
