How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
