Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

You don't understand. I'm not like you.

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(913): View more from Kansas

season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.

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(614): View more from Ohio

THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK

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(281): View more from Texas

In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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(714): View more from California

Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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(801): View more from Utah

Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...

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