Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize