on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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