ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
