We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
