I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
