We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
