i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
