Jerry, you need to find god
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
im on a boat
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