cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
