I should be sponsored by Trojan
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"