Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??

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  (416): is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered?? http://tfl.nu/9big
  Replies (26) Good night (5218) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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  (806): apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/lh1h
  Replies (11) Good night (1218) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

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  (216): It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/14tt
  Replies (23) Good night (3223) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.

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  (586): you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/e12h
  Replies (38) Good night (731) Bad night (6483) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.

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  (917): I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing. http://tfl.nu/vu1b
  Replies (13) Good night (6687) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

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  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8452) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.

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  (207): Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers. http://tfl.nu/gf42
  Replies (8) Good night (3585) Bad night (798)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.

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  (404): I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach. http://tfl.nu/8lzh
  Replies (1) Good night (1517) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.

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  (603): Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today. (603): Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me. http://tfl.nu/6wu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2596) Bad night (465)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail

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  (701): Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail http://tfl.nu/z3o8
  Replies (5) Good night (864) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Congratulations on your lack of fetus.

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  (630): Congratulations on your lack of fetus. http://tfl.nu/ujd7
  Replies (4) Good night (1683) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.

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  (701): I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks. http://tfl.nu/hedo
  Replies (4) Good night (1062) Bad night (230)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur

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  (610): All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur http://tfl.nu/mu3r
  Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (166) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.

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  (515): I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom. http://tfl.nu/zme8
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (237)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Maybe

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  (843): Bring a bathing suit and your good liver. (1-843): My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice? (843): Maybe http://tfl.nu/53dg
  Replies (4) Good night (533) Bad night (98)

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