Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
Sext me about skeletons
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"