I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
