I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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