I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
