what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
