and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
