she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
