You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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