You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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