I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
