He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
