I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
