you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
