This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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