So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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