puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
