Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
