It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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