So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
