Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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