Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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