Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
