this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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