Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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