And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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