What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
