Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
