I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
