I am in a vortex of obligation.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Gay?
German.
Pity.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
