there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
