i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
