i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
