Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
