I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am puke
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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