i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
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I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
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Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often