i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.