this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.